My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
