grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
