this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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