2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
