Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We left the knife in your bed.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
