I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It's shark week go big or go home
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
