Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
