i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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