They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
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I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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