he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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