What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
