I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
