either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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