He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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