Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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