Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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