fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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