I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
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His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
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You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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