i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
