rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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