I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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