Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize