Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
