can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
