when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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