I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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