Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
