he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Found the puke drawer
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
