At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
