Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
