wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
