okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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