my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
