your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
