I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
