and next time when you feel me up, do it right
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
