I have demons in me.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
did i just pee glitter
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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