Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Every concussion has its silver lining
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
