What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
