Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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