whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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