i may or may not be watching the land before time
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
