Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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