I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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