hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
