my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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