Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
