dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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