I can tuck mytits in my pants
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
