is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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