I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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