It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
