If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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