Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
