I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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