I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
