its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
