should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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