I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
