I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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