My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i out mim tonsoeep
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