Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
