so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
