i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
smell my finger.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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