Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
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I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
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And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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