a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
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he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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