1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
