Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
