Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
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As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize