Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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