i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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