he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
