I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
